Saturday, September 4, 2010


This thing ... trust ... has me perplexed.

People have come to know my name somehow as a person to call if someone needs help with a disability question. They trust I will know or point them to someone who can help.

I tend to trust people.

I thought I could trust people more.

This week on the news, I heard of another person speaking against the ADA. He had to fix his small business' bathroom for $5k due to the ADA and we was therefore bitter to people in wheelchairs. I'd gladly exchange my mobility problems for his $5k problem. So then, I am enlightened that not everyone is supportive of the ADA.

I tend to trust people.

I thought I could trust people more.

I do trust my rehab doctor who has followed me from when I first got my leg brace, who asked if I was ok and genuinely meant this, who understands the emotions behind needing another accommodation. He got me through the process to get on this new medication, Ampyra, and although it's not visible to many, Ampyra has improved my life and given me much happiness. He understands my drive, that I won't give up, and he supports that. AND, we get to theorize about Lance Armstrong - bonus! :)

I tend to trust people.

I thought I could trust people more.

While I am happy on this new medicine, inventing a new "rehab" program to see how far it will take me, it seems other things are thrown my way.

I am led to think
Could this be true?

I thought we had come so far in terms of civil rights for people with disabilities. I want to keep believing we have made progress.

But I am told things, in confidence, that makes me question this. It really hits home when my name is attached to something. And then I hear the news.

This is coded so the few people who read it may not understand, but I will be able to look back at this post if there's any type of outcome.

I am questioning who I can trust.
I am questioning why people say things that are not true.
I am questioning who is telling the truth.

And I wonder...
Is it to hurt me?
Is it to hurt someone else?
Who is going to gain from not telling the truth?
What happened to make this occur?

I tend to trust people.

I thought I could trust people more.

Now I can't.

Someone told me I really need to focus on the new medicine and the miracles it has brought to my life and not think about other parts.

But in the midst of this happiness, I am saddened to have to wonder about trust.

But I will move forward, and I WILL trust that God will carry me through questioning trust. I believe, by trusting in God, I can begin to let go. And what will be left, very soon, will be the happiness.

And with this, I will feel,


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