Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Passing on the faith

Boo Boo, my cat, just settled in, as if to tell me it's time to write a new blog. But on what? Well, I'll go back a week or so.

I decided to go to a religious conference ("Passing on the faith) sponsored, in part, by our church. I took Friday off of work to do this. So I went and the strange thing is that I felt like "the person in the wheelchair" there. People never know how to react to the wheelchair. These people do not have bad intentions. On lady said "are you going to be in that thing FOREVER?" ok...and hello to you too. Then another woman said, "It's SO great that you can be here today," with the tone that somehow I barely got out of bed and made it. A bunch of little stuff. Then there was this piano teacher I knew from my days playing the piano. She was always at the competitions and was always a calming force for me, even though she wasn't my teacher. I saw her at the conference and exclaimed "Hi!" But she didn't remember me. She probably wouldn't have remembered me even without the wheelchair. But that just amplified things. She knew me as the pianist, out of the wheelchair. In the wheelchair, she didn't know how to react to me.

So there I sat, thinking I didn't want to be there; I wanted to be home with my daughter; I wanted to be out riding my handcycle in the spring air. And so I left. I went home to my daughter. After a bit of time I went and rode my handcycle. And there I was--out in nature. God was there--I could feel that presence. That was where I was supposed to be.

God, guide me to where I can feel your presence.

Sunday, April 27, 2008


God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

It has been somewhat of a strange, hard, frustrating, yet exciting time for me. I called for the second (!) time to get the results of the MRIs of my back. The nurse read me the results. My MS is located where it has always been, almost as if nothing has changed since I was diagnosed, except that so much has changed. There ae no active lesions; there are no new lesions, there are very few lesions; they are all in the T2 area. Then why do I have all these problems? I just don't get it. I guess the frustration is where it's always been--you do everything right, yet things don't go right; in fact, they go incredibly wrong.

Yet, I started a new job which is excellent.

So back to it:
God, find me now, show me the way.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Zip, Zap, Zzz...................

What an odd title! It's the only thing I can think of posting right now, but wanted to post something, because it has been quite a week! Zip, zap would be the feeling of my legs sometimes. This morning I was trying to curl my hair and my right leg was ready to go off to the races. So I would start curling and then zip, zap! There it would go, with me trying to twist the curling iron. And it's been doing that ALL week. Then the Zzz... well, while I have the alive leg ready for a marathon, the rest of me is ready for a serious nap! Tuesday I was completely exhausted; Wednesday and Friday I had thoughts of getting to work early. Ha! I didn't want to get out of bed. Once out, there was that whole right leg thing. And then my right hand had the numb thing. BUT, since I didn't actually fall, and since I was able to sleep a lot Friday night, I think I (knock on wood), may have kicked this thing, because it's too soon for an attack!

I bet this is a stress reaction--too many things going too fast--getting ready to switch jobs, school, typical mom guilt, functions to go to and arrange. Aarrgghh! So it's calming time--giving myself tonight to read a nonstress book and relax; tomorrow to go to church where I feel this sense of calm during the service...breathe...

Thanks to God for pulling me through this week (with me kicking and screaming).

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Snowflakes from Heaven

Thia past Monday was the last day of the ski season for me...sigh. It started off horribly--nothing "clicked" in the morning. We took an early lunch. The afternoon was totally different. Everything "clicked," in the midst of this beautiful spring snowstorm. At the beginning of the year, I set a goal to make it down a blue slope, without being tethered. But it didn't seem like it was going to happen because I would see the slope and "psych" myself out about it. But then there was the beautiful snowstorm--I couldn't see the steeper slope so I kept going. And I did fall, but I made it down the blue slope, the whole thing, off tether. I set these goals I think I will never reach but yet I keep working at them. And this one happened.

Thanks be to God.