Thursday, April 8, 2010

The Cave

Sometimes I wonder how I will get through a period of time. I get through it and sometimes it's not pretty, or it's a strange mixture, but it happens. This week - what a strange series of events! I've felt in a cave, wanting to get out, get away, breathe, escape. But the cave keeps drawing me back...

Working so hard as if surgery depended on it. Sometimes I wonder why I can't just say no, but that I want/have to get everything done. And I am training someone to do what I do in a week. I get a parking ticket for a strange reason. I get pulled into a big discussion on parking at work.

I have to get a bunch of paperwork and appointments done - forms for work, acupuncture, forms for surgery, appointments for surgery, meetings. The lift at home is finally installed.

And then there is school and a paper. No choice but to get that done.

And then random things seem to get lost. And then one by one, they are found, and there's a sense of relief, some glimmer somehow, of hope.

And I am tired. My reflection time from Lent seemed to evaporate as soon as Easter arrived. I want it back. It's been replaced by frustration and frenzy that somehow, I appear to be ignoring. I'm not listening to reason.

But if I hold on for just a few days, I get to do a few things I love. Then I get to rest, in a strange sort of way. I get to put things away. I get to sleep. And so, although it will be hard, I will get to sit, and reflect, and watch my legs jump :) It seems so minor and silly, and at the same time so difficult.

And once again, God pulls me through the thick mud with glimpes of joy along the way. And though this may get old for some...

Thanks be to God.

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