Monday, November 29, 2010

Winging it

It is so true as I look back on my life - winging it is perhaps when I do best, or at least better. So there was Sunday at church when I hadn't practiced anything but the psalm and everything went better than usual. I had to "wing it," and it worked.

Random decision the day before to just go to a track and walk once around - a 400M - but I made it around - incredibly slowly.

Whenever there's pressure I won't do as well.

In high school, there was a piano concerto competition where I competed - at a more elite level so no chance of winning. I usually didn't perform my best in front of audiences. But there I had no shot. My mom actually taped it so I can now listen. This girl who could come across as timid, or lose focus in a piece - this wasn't the same girl. It was beautiful (Mozart - my favorite) and it's almost as if the accompanyist, my teacher, was thrown offguard that I was on top of this thing. You can almost hear "uh oh, she's serious!" I didn't win - as I said, that was impossible. But I "winged it" - why not just throw my best out there and take a risk? When I did an easier competition where I should have won, I lost all focus.

Same concept with the flute. In 11th grade I practiced like never before - but nothing was sounding like I wanted, and I didn't make all-state. Fast forward to senior year - forget the practice - wing it - and I made all-state.

And there's athletics. Our team was great when we won state cross country. Perhaps it was because we weren't supposed to win and there was no pressure - we were just "winging it." The next year - when "no one can touch them," we lost. Too much pressure.

Individually, my best race was always the Bolder Boulder - love that race. All pressure was off, the track season was done... I just ran, and I ran fast. Definite "winging it."

As I move forward with my career, I notice the presentations I used to memorize - well, there just isn't time. I have to wing these things. And they are way better - especially the disability ones - because they come from the heart, and I don't have time to get nervous. I just go. I love that.

I haven't ever "winged it" in skiing - I am always overthinking. So perhaps that should be the goal for this year - "wing it." But if I make it a goal, it won't happen. So I think I'll try to approach this ski season without goals. That's difficult for me. I wonder what will happen. Someday when I'm not paying any attention, the fear will go away and I'll really ski, on my own.


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