Sunday, March 28, 2010

Contemplating Holy Week

My daughter, Lori, went on a fieldtrip and they walked past a cemetery... last summer. Since then, she sometimes refers to where it is and contemplates death. I let her develop her own thoughts, like this recent car conversation.

"Mommy, did you know that when you die they can burn your body?"
"Then you can't be buried."
"Yes, you still can, if that is what you want."
"Well, I don't want to be burned. Then I can be buried and the angels can just come down and get me, and they don't have to put me back together."
"What do you think the angels look like?"
"They have dresses ... (pause) ... Mommy, what do you think the boy angels wear?"
"I don't know. What do you think?"
"I don't know. Hey Mommy, did you know when you go to Heaven you can be whatever you want? So one day you could be a kitty. And your legs could work! And you could be old or young or whatever you want."

That is some great creativity! I wonder what she will do with the upcoming week, since she has been more intrigued lately.

It's been an interesting Lent. I've made more time to reflect, but it's not enough. I've used a book and I've sat and just thought about things. But I haven't had enough time, or somehow created enough time, the amount of time I wanted. So I'd say this is a distracting Lent. Often it's 9:30 and I'm ready for my alone time and I am just falling asleep because I've gone hard all day, and MS plus shoulder tell me that's it. Then I wake up early and do ok for a bit, before falling back to sleep for a bit!

Distracting. Life goes on. Out in the world, there aren't many mentions of Lent outside of church, aside from giving something up such as pizza. Life has even been a bit distracting within church. I'm struggling with agreeing to disagree. I just don't know if I can do that because I feel like I'm being a hypocrit to a group of people who have meant so much to me, given me so much, helped me so much, and never asked for anything in return. One in this group, who is also a Christian, is even trying to help me reconcile this! But ... distracting. Maybe this week can be different.

We're going on a mini-vacation to the mountains. MS will still be with me, and my shoulder will still feel like bones grinding together and reaching certain ways will cause pain. But many other distractions will be gone. I can leave work at home. There won't be a dance or piano lesson. We won't be doing homework or practicing piano. My mom will be caring for our aging pets. I won't have a list of phone calls to make to set things up. I won't have to think of cooking! This should free some time to just "be." And by taking away the distractions, I bet the MS fatigue goes down, and just "being" isn't accompanied by guilt at looking at a messy house or things not getting done. And thus, whatever faith journey I'm on, maybe there will be time to contemplate more. And there will be more time to listen Lori's ideas. I think there's a lot of insight there - it hasn't all come out yet, but it is coming. Her faith journey. And that then, becomes a part of mine.

"And now, let the weak say I am strong, let the poor say I am rich, because of what the Lord has done for us ... give thanks."

Thanks be to God.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your journey and your faith. I have a friend in Chicago with MS and your blog helps me understand her a little more.

Your comments on health care helped me see another side of that situation also. It's called keeping an open mind?



maggieinthemountains said...

Still loving reading your blog..makes me think deeper things. Still on my journey to figure out the wonky things going on in my body. thanks for writing and sharing your heart

Clare said...

do have a wonderful restful time on your mini vacation.
I highly recommend reading 2 Chronicles on your vacation this will definately give you plenty to contiplate about, it has me! I think its straight talking and to the point. Certainly made me sit up and think about things. (took me out my comfort zone).
You are in my thopughts and prayers.


Clare said...

I mean't to say 1 Corinthians.. Arhh brain freeze.