Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The Answer is Yes

Today I saw my rehab med doc. Just as I envisioned, he was saying how I had this attack in Nov, and I had one the previous Nov, and one in between the two, and I said, "Yes, and I've decided I'd like to go on Tysabri." So he kicked back his chair, put his hand on chin in thinking mode, but didn't remove his glasses like he usually does. He said, "You are a young woman, and I think that would be a good thing for you." And then we discussed how long it's been out since it was taken off the market, and next steps. I need an MRI. I haven't had one since I was diagnosed which surprises everyone. Back then there was nothing in my brain and it was all in my spine. I told him I don't want to know the results of the brain MRI, because if there are lesions there, I will question my ability to think, go to school, do my job, etc. He said that's fine. And then I can start--he said, the sooner the better. And what does that make me think? I think there is hope there, but there is also fear of having a reaction to the infusion and knowing that then this therapy wouldn't be for me. Hope and fear--a strange and somehow powerful combination I am taking with me seemingly with almost every breath I take.

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