Possibilities

It's that time of year to make resolutions. Some years I make them; other years I don't. Last year I made "concept" resolutions. If a person is really bored, they could look them up as a blog on Dec 30 last year, but let me say, they are not that exciting. Even though they weren't exciting, I lived by them.

This year, resolutions seem strange - I'm at a point in my life at which I don't know what will happen, so I want to be open to everything.

Last year I made some kind of resolution about trying to do as much physically as I could, and I went throughout the year going to physical therapy (PT) each week, doing exercises, and continuing to walk more and get stronger. "Motivation is what gets you started; habit is what keeps you going." That's what happened. And though someone told me that improvements when on Ampyra stop at about 5 months, I'm about a year and a half out and still getting stronger. I wish I could make a resolution that I will stand without holding onto something, or that I will take a few steps without my walker. But I can't do that - it's beyond my control. I can continue to work at things and hope - before Ampyra, I was told I had no hip flexor muscles; then I was told I had "very weak" hip flexor muscles, and now I'm told I have "weak" hip flexor muscles. I think those muscles are the biggest broken link, so rather than a resolution, I see possibilities of strengthening them. I know I'm getting stronger still because other people notice things, or in moments of frustration, I do things like grab the whole main part of my wheelchair with one hand and fling it, hard, from the car to the ground, and then think "Um, wow, ok, I had no idea I had the strength to do that. I was pretty sure I needed both hands and slow motion." Grin.

Last year I made a resolution to finish my masters degree in public administration (think MBA but in the public sector which translates to government and non-profit). I also told a bunch of people I would finish it. In a sense, I needed to do that as an extra push to finish. I couldn't say "I didn't finish" after I told so many people I would finish. Sometimes it takes proclaiming something for me to get it done. Maybe I should proclaim I will clean our office this year. No, no, no - I'm not sure that will get done. But getting my masters - that opens possibilities. I've learned so much - the possibilities are seeing things a bit differently than before I started; the possibilities mean that things that were under the surface as important to me (that I didn't recognize) surfaced through the seemingly endless number of papers I wrote; the possibilities mean realizing I finished and that I can accomplish what I thought was impossible, and I suppose this ties back to the physical stuff - one just never knows what is out there, and how far one can go. Last week someone told me I have the passion for something, the ability to network and then utilize that networking to make good things happen, and something else... wow - so someone actually noticed these things about me? That's possibility.

Lastly, I made some resolution about God. Since it was a concept I don't remember exactly how it went. While I wish I had more silent times last year, it was a tough year where I seemed to work, study, and sleep in a continuous cycle. But in this cycle, and in difficult (and good!) parts of last year, I talked to God. James Hersch wrote a song about just laying it all out there for God and I did that, many times. God, you must be kidding me - seriously, now? this? Oh wait, thanks, this is amazing, can it continue? But this and that - together - does everything good and bad have to come my way at the same time? Yes, I let God know what I thought, and I did plenty of asking for help through a bunch, good and bad. This will continue - I suppose it's somewhat of a "habit," so no resolution. But the possibilities - I made it through last year - all the ups and downs and in-betweens. God is always there, through it all.

So no resolutions - just possibilities... and if I take the possibilities and flow with them as they are part of a wide open field, there has to be happiness and

Peace.