This Believer

It's been a tough, very tough, couple of weeks. On one hand, I have this wonderful thing in my life, granting me a gift of working hard to walk better, stand better, do everything better. On the other other hand, there's another thing - unrelated - theatening to derail the gift by imposing a lot of stress. This other thing - it's a series of events - it's exhausting; it's unfair, I suppose; but it goes past unfair and leads to even greater exhaustion. And I cling to the good, struggle with the bad, feel everything is so heavy, struggle to find my way. And though I can't say what the exhausting sequence is, I can write this, and this will help. There's a song - it can go toward either the wonderful thing, the exhausting thing, or both. That's the great thing about some songs. The danger is the exhausting thing causes stress and stress and MS don't mix. So I continue to try to cling to the gift, despite a seeming network of land mines everywhere.

The song, with my thoughts... (James Hersch)

"Put to the test
Coming up short
Nothing makes sense
About this last resort."

The last resort - my last steps - each one was a struggle. At the last resort Ampyra, the gift, came along. It really didn't make any sense...

"Step after step
There's no way out
Lost and I'm blind to what this is about."

New steps - step after step after step - new steps - steps that are stronger. I am lost and blind to this - now. But...

"But I will consider
that the hand of God is able
Even now
To deliver,
From the shadow of death
This Believer."

God is there with me, for each of these new steps,
as God was right there with me for each of the old steps.
God can take me, on the brink of no walking
And be with me while I learn to believe that from this no walking, or perhaps from "the shadow of death," I can come back...


"Put to the test
On a mountain of woe
God only knows where this path's going to go.
Follow my faith
And it's led me to here
But I can't find the line between my faith and my fear."

I don't know what will happen now, with legs still getting stronger.

There's a new mountain of woe.
It's scary.
I'm somewhere between faith and fear...


"But I will consider
that the hand of God is able
Even now
To deliver,
From the shadow of death
This Believer."

Again, God is here. I will "consider" that I can get through this. I will try to find my way through the new obstacles thrown in my path. I need to focus on my new steps rather than obstacles. This is very difficult. I am dragging. I must trust now that I will find my way out.


"And in a season of change
there is a reason for doubt
But there's a faith I can find when I have no way out........"

There sure is a reason for doubt! Everything was fine. Now there are land mines everywhere. I can't see them. But I have to lean on faith, because I can't see the way out...

"And I will consider
that the hand of God is able
Even now,
To deliver
From the shadow of death
This Believer."

Peace.