unseen

Unseen, mostly, all the improvements I've made since I stopped working full-time on April 12. A lot of research is being done on the benefits of physical activity to MS. And it's true, even if it's unseen. While out, I was told I was standing almost all on my own. It was unseen to me. And now what I have done - the improvements made - I know them - they are most likely unseen to most. But they are important. Maybe others with MS have discovered unseen improvements that help them.

- This morning I looked in the mirror as I did "kicks" from my wheelchair. If I wait, and push my toes back, my legs get almost straight. I didn't think I could kick - I would tell my doctor to skip that test... prior to April 12.

- Squats. I thought I always used my arms only to get up. I started tiny squats. They're bigger now.

- I can't lift into a little "bridge" when lying on my back like most people can. But I'm getting a little closer.

MS is progressive, for me because of incomplete recovery from relapses. So many things, seen and unseen, can be taken from me overnight. They were taken. I got them back, even if they're unseen.

And so I go back. Those who didn't realize I was gone are still commenting on my hair. Those who know I was gone want to know how I am, if I'm getting better. My shoulder still hurts, but not that much - it just needs strength back now. I am getting better, in other ways. I hope it continues. In my world where relapses were getting close to every 5 months, it has now been 8 without a relapse.

It's been quite the ride.

Two steps back, one step forward, looking up - as Michael J. Fox would say, smiling. So I smile, having let go mostly, of the bad ...

I'm moving forward, looking up.