Maybe I dwell on things a bit too much, but maybe it's ok to do that a bit, to look back, to look forward...
Looking back, I suppose I dwell on the depression phenomena that happened a few years ago, but maybe that's because it was so impactful, it was something that had never happened, it was something I never understood in others, and now I feel I have some tiny bit of understanding. I won't dwell on my mom and her battle with breast cancer, but I will look back on it, briefly. And then I move forward.
Two years ago (is that right?) I was coming back from depression. It hit because of a strange mix of steroids for MS and me thinking I could stop taking another medicine because I was taking steroids. Bad decision! Anyway, the depression hit right around the beginning of Advent and by Christmas, I was getting better. But I was still feeling this strange sense of being fragile. Lori (my daughter) and I went to the Nutcracker with my friend and her daughter. My friend had experienced post-partum depression, so she seemed to understand this strange feeling of being fragile. Yesterday, Lori and I went to the Nutcracker again, without me feeling fragile. We had a wonderful time and I thought back to a few years ago, when going to that show was totally different. I love the Nutcracker. Looking forward, I hope there are many more years of it being this great experience, where Lori and I are both captured by the magical moments brought to us from the stage.
Looking back, a year ago my mom was undergoing chemo and she was feeling a kind of fragile, where she couldn't stand a lot of noise. So she and I had our own little Christmas celebration with no noise, just the 2 of us. Looking forward 2 days, there will be about 10 people at my house, and my mom will be there and not feeling fragile. She's my rock and last year was tough. This year is so special because of her.
Looking back--there were also good times, but there were some really hard times. Looking forward seems better. I have myself back, and I have my mom back. Maybe to get this great sense of moving forward I have to look back. Thanks be to God for looking forward and, of course, for so much more.