Listening and observing life

Listening to life:

I have a 5 year old daughter. The best part of having her is cuddling with her and reading, some she does and most I do. And to hear a 5 year old laugh is so wonderful. Wonderful life.

Today I saw my counselor and she had a great idea. She could get people with DIFFERENT disabilities together to talk not about their diseases, but about managing living, things like how to get through the holidays. That would be so awesome. Interesting life.

So for me to get through what my mom has going on, and how that makes life so much more complex...we talked about that. My mom has started chemo and has still been able to come and help me a bit. I worry about how hard chemo is, and how it depletes a person, and it just seems to stink, and that the whole thing shouldn't be happening to my invincible mom. So what to do? Perhaps pray. Maybe meditate. I haven't figured that out. At other times, I've had this sense that God comes out and says "Hello Beth. I'm here. " I'm still waiting for that. I'm feeling out there and alone. Confusing life.

So I decided with all the recent stress in my life, I should find 15 minutes a day to do some kind of listening exercise, maybe meditating is what I'm thinking. Or reading these short essays. Or listening to music (I dug some up today) I was thinking writing this blog could do it, but then my husband came in to tell me about his big pay increase. Distracting life? :)

But I go back to this book I have, which has an essay by a pastor, who says to Listen. Observe. Observe religioiusly. Don't just go about life, going from one thing to the next. Really listen. God, please help me listen better and show me you are there. I'm hoping there's some glue holding everything together, but it's feeling like pretty weak glue!