Thursday, February 14, 2008
Faith, Hope, Love, and what the heck does this mean?
Here I've been, waiting to start Tysabri, watching that there are no new cases of PML, watching, waiting, hoping, seeming to get indications from God that this is the way to go. I have a new bracelet that says faith, hope, love. I now wear that all the time. The evening I got it--I came home and got on the MS website homepage. And there it was--after all these positive signs--2 people on Tysabri now diagnosed with an agressive form of melanoma. What the heck am I supposed to do now? Were all these "signs" really nothing? What the heck am I supposed to do. Let's see...I can go on the drug and have something like that and die in a few months--lovely. I can go on it and have it slow down my MS, or even make things better. Or maybe in a few years I can "look forward" to possibly getting PSL. What kind of choices are those? I guess I'm feeling pretty angry now. What direction should I go? Does it even matter? I didn't want an attack like the last one, or the depression that followed. That was horrible. But now I'm left with some kind of "stellar" choice--with nowhere to look for guidance, which I thought I had. I thought it all made sense. Now everything seems turned upside down.