I wonder as I wander

It's time to start moving more! I saw my rehab doc and my orthopedic surgeon (from shoulder surgery 2 years ago since my shoulder still hurts) last week, and then got evaluated for a Bioness (more later) this week. These appointments each had various parts that were funny (or are funny looking back). Now I'm feeling a bit stranded due to a snowstorm, but this is Colorado and the snow could melt in a day or two.

So wondering and I'm wandering (ie thinking as I'm slowly walking places)

I went to see my rehab doc, who is awesome, because I want to figure out my standing issue - I can't straight. So he gave me a demo - it's all my hip flexor muscles that are tight from sitting. And the demo made me laugh - I know what I look like - to see him show me why I do what I do in the form of a demo was a bit funny. "See, if you have tight hip flexors, this is what happens when you stand." Visualize a person standing with arched back and butt pointed back. But what about the braces - do they make sense? And why, when I have the worst leg spasms at night, does prednisone give me relief. When I take prednisone, there's a wonderful feeling when I wake up that my legs are very calm. And with prednisone I can sleep, which seems the opposite of prednisone. But he thought he could explain this. I forgot to tell him of my strange milk addiction with Ampyra. I love milk!

Next stop - orthopedic surgeon. I was so happy he had relocated to a smaller building because that meant less walking for me, right? Wrong! After I was called back to a room, I was warned it was a long walk back to the room where I would be seen. Then I saw the surgeon who said, "I notice you bend over a bit when you walk." Really - you think? I had hoped he wouldn't have seen me walking in - he must be a good spy on his patients. I used to think he could only think about shoulders. But I have discovered he has a personality! Before I had surgery, he told me "No one has ever died on my operating table," so after surgery I was sure to point out that I was still alive. He laughed. This time he told me the only way my shoulder will get better is to move everything down at home so I'm not reaching up. And then he got so excited about a pole to help blow dry hair that he launched into an Internet search. He may be an awesome surgeon, but he can't type. That was fun to watch - the typing to search for hair dryer holders. He should stick with shoulder surgery.

Lastly, the Bioness... last summer someone told me I couldn't do it because my foot wasn't pushing hard enough to trigger the sensor, which is something small that goes under the foot. But this time was different. One device is a cuff that goes right below the knee. The other device, brand new this fall, goes above the knee. The lower device tells the foot to pick up. The upper device helps the whole leg lit by triggering hamstring muscles. www.bioness.com I was walking without locking my right knee which is strange, and I was standing straighter. The braces I have help, but they do not rehabilitate. By triggering muscles and nerves repeatedly, the Bioness can help improve function. It's very exciting.

So what did I hope from wondering and wandering through these appointments? I'm searching to maximize abilities... to walk more, faster, and straighter. I'm wondering if my shoulder will improve. I'm wondering, as I wander, if my shoulder will get better. And I'm asking, God, are you there?

In a strange moment after these appointments, while I was sitting as assisting minister, James Hersch was singing "Be Still." I that moment, I was still, and a presence told me that in the midst of all this activity and chaos elsewhere in life, there is peace. Our intern pastor said that. In the midst of chaos, I felt peace.

God will be with me through all this stuff, and all the other chaos in life. There has to be peace.

Be still.

Peace.