doubt and faith

In the still of the morning,
Legs are swung off the bed.
Each morning.
I sit, balanced.

Balance should give me faith
in me.
I didn't used to balance like this.
This is MS.
Each day is different.
But now I can balance.

And I hesitate.
Will my legs work when I rise?
I doubt.

Should I grip the dresser, as I used to do?
Or should I trust that my legs will hold me?
I hesitate, for how long?
I push up and my legs work,
without faith.
I am standing.

And yet
I do not doubt God,
I have faith in God,
that God will be with me
on my journey.

But
I doubt myself
and test how my legs work
because I do not have faith in me.

All of this
seems backward.
It seems I would have doubt
and lack faith
in God.

But I doubt
and lack faith
in me

not doubting,
having complete faith
that God is with me.

Peace.