I'm hoping this doesn't feel too much like the diary-entry that is in my mind of things that have been going on in life, but here goes... Today in church some of the sermon was about how God is a God of abundance, which went with the reading of the loaves of bread and fish, how they were divided, and the different interpretations of this Bible passage. There are so many things to consider where God is abundant. I have MS, but I still have unique gifts given to me, and I do thank God for those gifts. I almost didn't go to church today, due to the heat, and some nasty bug I caught where I couldn't walk or feel or move my fingers at all. Not a fun 2 days! But last night I woke up and my legs ached so badly and I knew I needed to walk again (I use a walker at church). So I went to church with this horrible attitude, got there, and there was a sense of peace, just there, which I took in.
Recently I moved positions at work and into a new building, the building where all the big-wigs are. But in that building I met Willy, the one who has been there each day as the custodian. Always, he smiles. To see him, I smile. The exchange of smiles brought us a friendship, where I learned of his family, he of my family, and I also learned he carries a deep faith with him. So many times he would point at me and say, "Something special is going to happen to you, Miss Beth." And then he stopped specifically by my cube one day recently to say goodbye. Someone with more seniority is taking his job and he will have to work nights in a different building. He is a gift to the world and I am saddened that my friendship with him was so short-lived (yes, I cried). His parting words, of course, were how something special is going to happen to me. He told me he used a wheelchair for 3 years (other reasons). I wish things could get better for me and though he sees the something special as me completely ditching the wheelchair, perhaps that something special was his friendship. And of course, it wasn't with one of the big wigs. That just wouldn't be me. His friendship was God's abundance.
And then there is the person from a different dept with whom I have to deal at work. She is older, thinks she owns Kaiser, and thinks she is teaching me how to do my job despite the fact that no one likes her, and she really is just making me feel like growling. She does want to walk all over me as the new and relatively young one. I struggle with wanting to lash back. I don't really want to do that--that goes against what I believe I should do. And yet, I cannot have this walking on taking place. It's a delicate balance. I think I've figured it out, but I really wonder what God's answer would be. Is there a gift somewhere in there?
And for final thoughts, my daughter started Kindergarten which is an adjustment--she gets tired and tries my patience at the end of the day. While trying my patience, the heat is trying my patience--she's melting down emotionally while getting into the car, and I'm melting down putting the wheelchair in the car. I am melted emotionally by a cat in renal failure, who seems relatively ok, but I'm giving her "cat dialysis" (fluids under the skin) regularly. It all seems like so much right now, but it did seem like too much so things are down one notch. Those of us with MS continue to mosey along, cognizant that whatever gifts of mobility we do have may not be with us forever.
Thanks be to God for the abundances he has given me. Now I'd better go see what my husband and daughter are doing--I hear noises from the trampoline!