"So you're disappointed in me then."
"No. I'm just.......... disappointed."
"Then you have to be disappointed in me because you can't just be disappointed."
But you see, I am disappointed. I'm disappointed that church isn't to you what it is to me, and thus you refuse to go.
I understand that you say you will go when someone comes back. I don't know if that is really true, but I do believe that when the someone comes back, you feel that the someone understands how you feel about religion, including your doubts. That is the only part of all of this that does not disappoint me.
I'm disappointed because at some point, or maybe things built up over time, but at some point, it seems that you think that church=religion.
I'm disappointed that you won't go to church because you have large doubts about religion right now, which is totally normal, but it seems you have equated these doubts with attending church. So many have huge doubts. Basically everyone has doubts at some level.
Church does include religion, but you can listen to the sermon and always interpret it in your own way, and that interpretation actually doesn't have to be religious. You can apply sermons to your life, not at all in a religious way.
I'm disappointed that you don't realize that church is also community. Perhaps you do see it as community, but if you truly felt included in the community, you would want to come to church.
I'm disappointed that you don't see church as a way to serve the community, in a non-religious way. Perhaps you do see church as a way to serve the community, but it is not enough to get you to come to church anymore.
I'm disappointed that church doesn't feel like a really supportive place for you, because it is that way for me and I wish everyone would have that sense of church. Did you feel ignored? Did I ignore you? I do feel like there were times when everyone was talking to each other, and you were there, and you felt ignored. I am disappointed that you were ignored, because if you weren't ignored, church is still a place where you would want to be.
I'm disappointed that church isn't close to family for you, that you don't realize that our church family would do pretty much anything for you, that our church family loves you very much. Perhaps you do realize this, but it still isn't enough to get you to come to church. Perhaps we are that family but some people are so annoying to you that you can't stand to be around them. If this is true, then I am sad about it.
I hope you are able to find other ways that create the atmosphere that church creates for me. Perhaps even a different church could create the atmosphere that I have described here, but for you.
Community. Service. Support. Family. Love.
I am disappointed that you do not feel these things at church, or at least not strong enough to come to church anymore.
I am disappointed that all of these things are not as existent in society today as I feel they once were.
I am disappointed that as a member of the church, I feel like I, and the church, somehow failed.
And I hope that somehow there is learning in here, but I'm not seeing it now.