What will happen to Lori?

I've been wondering this week what will happen to Lori as she grows up, or what will she think of me? Will she love me? Hate me? A combo?

Now is interesting. She half the time thinks mom's wheelchair, walker, and leg brace are a lot of fun. The other half of time she hates it and tells me she wishes my legs worked, that I am slow, that she doesn't want to help.

In times when she hates it, she uses it to NOT do things. She doesn't want to help, even though the help is regular chores that other kids routinely do--set the table, let the dog out, etc. If mom's legs only worked, then her theory is she wouldn't have to do these things!

And then she finds Larry, my brace. She puts him in my shoe and puts my shoes on her feet. Giggling she walks around the house like this.

Most of all, I love her, even with the bad stuff. My hope is that she remembers me as a mom who would do anything for her, who loved her, and who wanted all the happiness in the world for her--Lori.

God--please give Lori all the happiness possible, and help her to see the beauty in her mom who is different than the other moms.

20 years

Today I returned to my hometown of Ft. Collins to watch the state cross-country running meet. 20 years ago we won that meet for the first time, and this year they won it again (the 6th time).

I remember when we won for different reasons. I remember being so excited that we won and that I had my best time. But mixed with the excitement was this strange feeling of fatigue I had that day that was different from the usual runners fatigue. And then at some point soon after that, I woke up and my legs felt like pins and needles--like they were asleep. I told no one, but those were the first symptoms of MS. They went away within a few weeks and my celebration never stopped during that time.

It's amazing that I ran my best time to date right then. It's amazing I ignored the pins and needles feelings.

It's amazing I still remember what it feels like to run. MS may take away my ability, but I don't think it can ever take away that feeling. And it can never take away that state championship which is priceless.