Friday, August 7, 2020

Happiness in the middle of the storm

Thursday: 4:15am: Up! Eye drops, medicine. Swimsuit, shorts, sweatshirt, sandals, bag, go!!

Wednesday: on edge. Will this ever end? Why can't people follow health advice? Why does everyone now think they are an analyst with healthcare expertise? This shouldn't be political. People should realize the severity of this. I am frustrated. I am sick of being at home. Other people going out means that I will have to stay at home longer because this disease spreads quickly. Even within my family, people go places and do things while I am at home more, frustrated. 

Thursday: 5am: Here I am, one of the very few places I go, the local swimming pool. I am purposefully alone (but for the lifeguard). I sit and put my legs in the water, then lower myself so up I am immersed, up to my shoulders. This next part is the worst. Head under water. COLD. Go. And I start, slowly at first. And then I have a section of intervals. Reach, stretch, pull, repeat.... (breathe...) Reach, stretch, pull, flip, push off the wall. Go!! I imagine my old swim coach yelling, "pull, pull, pull..." Rest. This feels so great. I attack the water. I give all of my frustrations to the water. I keep going. I push to go fast sometimes, really push. At other times I glide, taking my time with my strokes. I just keep going. I don't want to stop because here is where I can put all my frustrations and at the same time, find peace. I don't want to leave. But eventually my fingers are like prunes and I know I am tired, so I stop. I push up on the side of the pool, sitting on the edge again, my legs in their final dangle in the water. And then I get up, dry off, and do all I can to stay warm for the next few hours, which is difficult.

Find the small things. I do what I can. Swimming is my release. In these unexpected and very difficult times, we struggle for answers on what to do, how to relate to people through masks and physical distance, how to be nice, how to remain calm, how to be happy, how to be peaceful. We live in a chaotic world that keeps throwing things at us nonstop as if to see how much we can take, and how much we can use our "nice" voice of "I'm ok" when we may feel like bam!! We are about to explode in frustration. Or sigh. We are drowning in sadness and trying to hide it. 

Release the frustration. Release the sadness. Find the small things that bring happiness. Focus on those.

Swimming - my small release. 


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